There is a point, somewhere after the third anniversary, where the candlelit register stops being accurate. You know each other’s worst habits. You have had the same argument about the dishwasher eleven times. A gift that acknowledges this is more affectionate than one that pretends otherwise, which is why ‘Raising My Husband Is Exhausting’ sells as well as it does.
The other thing anniversaries need, and almost never get, is a solution to the actual problem: deciding what to do. The date-night dice and the scratch-off cards below are the only gifts on this list that will still be generating evenings out in a year’s time. All under twenty dollars.
After the third anniversary, the candlelit register stops being accurate.
The short list
- Date Night Food Decision Dice · $5.49
- "Nice As Your Butt" Keychain · $7.98
- "Drunk Wives Matter" Wine Glass · $12.95
- I Wrote a Book About You · $14.87
- "Trophy Husband" T-Shirt · $14.99
- Funny Husband Apron · $14.99
- The Good Wife Guide: 19 Rules · $14.99
- Scratch-Off Date Night Ideas · $16.95
- Toilet Timer · $16.99
- "Raising My Husband Is Exhausting" T-Shirt · $18.99
The best under $10
Where this list is strongest. Nothing here costs more than a sandwich and several of them are the funniest things on the page.
One
Under $10, date night
Date Night Food Decision Dice
Dice that finally end the nightly "I don’t know, what do you want?" debate. Roll, eat and stop arguing. Possibly the best marriage counseling under $10.
Buy on AmazonTwo
For her or him, under $10
"Nice As Your Butt" Keychain
A cheeky keychain that says "I hope your day is as nice as your butt." It is romantic, rude and riding in their pocket every day. A small gift with a big grin.
Buy on Amazon$10 to $15
The sweet spot: cheap enough to be a casual gift, solid enough not to look like one.
Three
For her, wine
"Drunk Wives Matter" Wine Glass
A 15 oz wine glass for the wife who deserves a big pour after all these years. Funny, festive and very easy to fill. A classic anniversary gift for her.
Buy on Amazon UKFour
For her or him, books
I Wrote a Book About You
A fill-in-the-blank book you write about your spouse, as sweet or as sassy as you like. Personal, funny and a guaranteed tearjerker. The best anniversary gift that costs under $15.
Buy on Amazon UKFive
For him, apparel
"Trophy Husband" T-Shirt
A shirt for the husband who considers himself the real prize. Wife-approved, mostly. The funniest way to celebrate another year of marriage.
Buy on Amazon UKSix
For him, kitchen
Funny Husband Apron
An apron for the husband who mans the grill and wants everyone to know it. A practical gift with a funny message. Grill master status: official.
Buy on Amazon UKSeven
For her, books
The Good Wife Guide: 19 Rules
A retro 1950s-style guide to keeping a husband happy, which is hilarious now. Give it with a wink and a raised eyebrow. Perfect for wives with a sense of humor.
Buy on Amazon UK$15 to $20
The top of the budget, where the objects start being things people keep.
Eight
For couples, date night
Scratch-Off Date Night Ideas
A deck of scratch-off date ideas to shake up your usual Netflix routine. Mystery dates keep the spark alive. An anniversary gift that keeps on giving all year.
Buy on AmazonNine
For him, gag gifts
Toilet Timer
A five-minute sand timer for the husband who disappears into the bathroom for an hour. Hilarious, passive-aggressive and surprisingly effective. Time is up, dear.
Buy on Amazon UKTen
For her, apparel
"Raising My Husband Is Exhausting" T-Shirt
A tee for the wife doing the heavy lifting in the marriage. Every married woman will relate instantly. Sarcastic, comfy and a great anniversary laugh.
Buy on AmazonHow to choose
Date night gifts outlast objects. Scratch-off date cards and decision dice keep producing evenings for months. A novelty t-shirt produces one laugh and then a drawer. If you only buy one thing here, buy the one that generates plans.
The teasing has to be mutual. ‘Trophy Husband’ and ‘Drunk Wives Matter’ are funny inside a relationship where that is the established tone, and sour where it is not. You know which you are in.
Milestone years deserve more than twenty dollars. A tenth or twenty-fifth anniversary needs a real gift with a joke attached, not a joke on its own. Use this list for the years in between, which is most of them.
Questions people ask
What is a good funny anniversary gift under $20?
The scratch-off date night cards at around seventeen dollars, or the food decision dice at around five. Both solve the recurring problem of what to actually do, which no romantic gift ever does.
What is a funny anniversary gift for him?
The ‘Trophy Husband’ t-shirt at around fifteen dollars, or the toilet timer at around seventeen if your relationship has that particular running joke. The funny apron is the safer pick if he cooks.
What is a funny anniversary gift for her?
‘I Wrote a Book About You’ — a fill-in-the-blanks book you complete yourself, at around fifteen dollars. It is the one item here that is both a joke and genuinely personal, because you have to write it.